If you have discussed this with him and he knows who you are seeking support from then he will know that you want to be there for him and he may worry about you less as well. In trying to work this out I would note and make a distinction between behaviour that occurred as a child, behaviour that occurred as an adult and behaviour that is occurring now. Whatever has happened or not, there are opportunities to commit and work individually and if he is interested together, to build an honest, caring, loving life and relationship. In terms of his sexuality, whether or not your partner is gay seems to be something he has worked through. He was introduced to same-sex sexual contact through an abusive experience in which he had no choice, which can be a really confusing experience for a young boy.

The Mile High club – Having Sex on a Flight

A lot of couples where one person is assaulted split. A LOT. I will not speak on the fairness of expectations, but put simply, you and your other are no longer in the same realm of desires sexually. Professional help can fix this, the love of your life will almost certainly not.

I have been seeing a counselor for a couple of years talking about my marriage, my same sex attraction, my porn addiction, and my very negative self talk. He is a great guy and seems to see things so clearly. He is able to clear through the junk and show me how my thinking is skewed. He tells me that I am a good and productive father, husband, employee, and Christian. I appreciate it, but long to hear that from people who supposedly love me, not counselors, coworkers or friends (I only have two.) I also go to sexual purity/addiction group at a nearby church once a week.

Know that every day is different

They also may not remember the events clearly, due to the tendency for children to dissociate, or because the perpetrator gave them drugs or alcohol prior to the abusive act. One in six men will experience sexual violence in their lifetime, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Although the #MeToo movement ushered in a wave or progress for addressing sexual assault, men were largely left out of the national discussion.

Thanks for contacting Living Well in this difficult time. I’m hearing you’re going through a lot of uncertainty and pain right now. I am also scared that he wont be able to show our baby boy the love he deserves as he has difficulties expressing love and trusting people. He doesnt have the best reslationship with his dad or with his mom either.

The other thing is that it might be simply too difficult to talk to you and your husband yet, as you are pretty close to it. This doesn’t necessarily mean he is not seeking support at all. When one or both partners have a history of being subjected to sexual abuse, this can add another very complex layer. You mention that your partner seems to ‘freeze’ when you touch him. It is common for people to have ‘fight/flight/freeze’ physiological responses if they are triggered in some way in relation to a traumatic experience or memory. These responses can lead men to judge themselves harshly, particularly in relation to some unhelpful and unrealistic social/cultural masculine ideals (e.g. that men should always be ready for sex).

Those close to my girlfriend have felt unimaginable sadness. Her mother has taken mental health days home from work, unable to concentrate on her career. Her father has cancelled https://hookupranking.org/ trips because all he can think about is his daughter. Her brother lives in constant anger towards her aggressor, and her sister’s already waning mental health is deteriorating.

If you were sexually abused when you were a child or a teenager, you may have different feelings and reactions at different times in your life. The1in6website has answers to many of the questions or concerns you might have as an adult survivor of child or teen sexual abuse. For gay men, sexual assault can lead to feelings of self-blame and self-loathing attached to their sexuality. There is already enough homophobic sentiment in society to make many gay men suffer from internal conflicts about their sexuality. Being sexually assaulted may lead a gay man to believe he somehow “deserved it,” that he was “paying the price” for his sexual orientation. Gay men may also hesitate to report a sexual assault due to fears of blame, disbelief or intolerance by police or medical personnel.

Returning to Therapy After a Break

He has told me that he never enjoyed meeting any of these old men because they did not do anything that he was expecting. Thus his search continued and he often left these sessions very quickly because he was getting grossed out. However, after stopping for a month or two, he would start doing it again. My sexual life with my husband has never been good.

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The other boy who was abused by the same predator with him moved across the country and I think he has hopes that if he ever did the same it would relieve some of his pain. It does not mean that you’re gay, nor that the guilt and shame you’ve experienced are valid, nor that you were in any way responsible. His biological father was abusive towards his mother. She, herself, refuses to speak of him from what I’ve seen.

As a counsellor of men who were sexually abused as either children, young adolescents or as adult men, I appreciate how difficult things can be for both you and for your partner. I’m sure being troubled by things that are heard during his sleep is frightening, and as you say might feel like you “are both being traumatised”. As counsellors we might describe this as a secondary traumatisation, and it can create the same or similar feelings of helplessness. It can be as disturbing to the individual as the original experiences might have been to the person who was abused. This is especially so for those who are in a close relationship and want so much to be able to help.

He told me when he was younger he thought he was going to be gay and so did his family. Was it because your family said you were going to be? Was it because what your uncle did to you confused you? He told me no, it was because he did things differently than other little boys. Then he hesitated and told me that his uncle used to tell him “this is the only sex that you will ever have so get used to it”.